Brand USA Chooses New Spokesmodel…Jesse Wept

While we can’t deny the historical signifigance of Obama’s presidency, we remain unconvinced of the need for presidents. The YT received a copy of press release which is circulating today.

November 5th, 2008, Washington DC-Brand USA-Brand USA, freedom exporter, is pleased to announce the hiring of Illinois senator, Barack Obama, as their new spokesmodel. Mr. Obama is set to make his debut at the US presidential inaguration,  January 20th, 2009 in Washington, DC.

“Mr. Obama is a uniquely qualified to represent Brand USA in today’s global market envrionment, and his ethnic background should make trade negotiations with emerging economies a breeze.”, said Becky Smith, VP of Sales and Marketing for Brand USA, “We also needed to add a new product to our line of impossible dreams for African-Americans. US President will be a good fit to join our already successful family of products featuring such big sellers as “professional athlete”, “lottery winner”, and “rap mogul”.

The choice of Mr. Obama will also allow Brand USA to finally put to rest the notion of “institutional racism”, which could not possibly exist in a nation with an African-American president. After five years of non-stop criticism of current spokesmodel, G. W. Bush, Brand USA looks forward to branding ungrateful critics of our new face as ‘racists’, the way we called them ‘traitors’ in the first few years after the 9/11 attacks.

Anticipate large gains in the right-wing pundit sector of the US economy, despite their lack of direct access to the white house.

The swing of the political pendulum from right to center, and back again, must occur every so often as a safety valve to prevent Brand USA residents from taking up arms and seizing control of their own lives.

It was inspiring to see reports of throngs of various sizes swarming into the streets, feeling empowered.  I wish Bill Ayers really was pulling his strings and that he was the out and out commie that the right-wing noise machine alleges him to be. Obama seems like a decent enough guy, but I wonder if the US machine even has the kind of functions that will benefit the populace. People in my neighborhood seem elated today and I’m at a stage in the life cycle when everyone I know seem to be dropping cubs at an alarming rate, so incremental reforms aren’t quite as appaling to me as they once were.

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