Three Stooges Coming to Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh’s panhandling ordinance will be put to the test in the coming weeks, according to the P-G

Jesus Christ himself, I mean Barack Obama, man of the People, will be dining on $500 stuffed chicken breast with his friends at the choice hangout for salt of the earth types, The Rivers Club, located in humble, quaint Oxford Center, June 20th. My apologies to downtown workers whose lunch break will be spent waiting for motorcades to pass while crossing the street and being freaked out by the SS men on the roofs with binoculars.

Hillary (not Duff, sadly) is expected to be in ‘tahn before the end of the month, for a fundraiser, as well as a well-deserved day off from whatever it is senators do at work. Keep your cash in your shoe.

Last but not least, art theorist, devoted family man, and “America’s Mayor” (would you take credit for that?), Rudy Giulliani will stand tall on his platform made from the ashes of the people who died in the 9/11 attacks, at the Duquesne Club. Expect gentle, angry liberal protests, and a brutal drinking game if you drink every time he says ‘terror’.